Actress Who Plays Woman Becomes Woman Who Plays Man [Satire]



Actress Ellen Page has declared that she is no longer a woman who likes women but is a man who is gay but likes women because she’s a woman but says she’s a man, which is something only a woman would be crazy enough to do, except she’s a man — she says.

From now on, her pronouns will be “Who?” “Never Heard of Her,” and “What Else is On?”

The media immediately pretended to believe what Page was saying, rewriting every reference to her to use her new name Eliot, and even suggesting they would go back to her old movies, which include Juno and other films besides Juno, and rewrite her credits as if she had not only become a man today but had been a man back when she was a woman.

This is the media’s way of telling us that we should all now live at the sanity level of Hollywood actresses who, as a group, fall on the sanity line in the narrow space between People Who Talk to Venus on Broken Cell Phones and Hollywood Actors.

From now on, Miss Page will celebrate becoming something she isn’t by acting as if she were what she’s not. So in order to be a man, she will now be canceled for playing a woman on TV when in real life she’s a woman playing a man, which is cultural appropriation. Or blithering nonsense.

From now on, she will also sit in an easy chair while her girlfriend is cleaning the house and occasionally shout out to her, “Hey, honey, could you bring me a sandwich?”

Her girlfriend, a lesbian, says she will continue to live with her now that she’s a man even though she likes women because, come on, don’t be silly, she’s obviously a woman, just look at her.

Scientists say they’ll work around the clock to discover how Page suddenly switched her sex by thinking about it. Or maybe they’ll just break for lunch, then forget the whole thing.

More satire from Andrew Klavan: Biden Plans to Change Trump Policies and Put America Eighth

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